Why Pain is Our Best Teacher?

Why am I going through so much pain? Why do I have to suffer so much? Why is God making me go through all this suffering? If God truly exists, then he wouldn't do this to me.

We all go through these types of questions at some point in our lives. We all wonder why does pain exist. If life is so beautiful then why have something so difficult to face in our lives? Isn't the whole point about having a beautiful life mean that we should be happy and pain-free? Maybe that's true. But think of phrasing the question this way. If we never experienced pain in the first place, then how do we know that what we are experiencing is truly beautiful? What do we have to compare beauty with if pain never existed? If we've never experienced pain, we have absolutely nothing to compare beauty with. And so therefore we go on with our lives not appreciating the beautiful life we have.

There is great beauty in pain. The beauty lies in the lessons that we learn as human beings from pain that no other teacher could possibly teach us. No school, no university, no college, not even our own parents could teach us some of the lessons we learn from our painful experiences. These lessons that pain teaches us are the very lessons that provide growth and wisdom for each and everyone of us. Some of us may choose to take the lessons and discard them, leading a life of hatred to regret and then to a slow decay of our soul through self-pity. Or some of us may take the opportunity to learn from those painful experiences, by leading a life of forgiveness, love and then to an everlasting peace of our soul through acceptance. Pain is the harshest of all teachers, yet the most wise. Learning from pain provides us with great wisdom and an ability to overcome our primal self's inability to see beyond the present.

A lot of us will blame God about many of our problems, whether we are of faith or not. However, if we look at our pain as an opportunity to learn as oppose to an opportunity to blame, we can accomplish many things from our pain. Blame provides no room for growth and no sense of responsibility. Maybe there was a reason why you are experiencing this pain. Maybe it was not meant to punish you from some higher being, but maybe it was a gift that was meant for you to grow.

The way I see it, its like going to school. We all go through the stress of finishing up group projects, toiling our way through our studies, trying to pass our courses and finally finishing up by graduating at the end. Sometimes, we failed in some of our assignments, exams and maybe even some classes. And when we failed, we could have taken two distinct roads that would have determined our future in school. We could have looked at that failure and instill within us hatred towards the professor by blaming how difficult he or she made the exam and even to the extent of insulting the professor's credibility. Or we could have learned from that failure and see what we could do differently next time so we could achieve better success in the next round of exams. The first example of looking at that failure you become a bitter person and you remain uneducated in your opportunity to learn from your life lesson. Whereas, the second example, you become a more peaceful person and at the same time you learn from life's lesson.

Pain is necessary in our lives. It all depends on how we perceive pain and how we choose to learn from it. We need to accept our pain and see it as a window of opportunity for everlasting growth. Hopefully, we all may learn to see our lives with a new light!

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Live at Peace

Do you ever wonder why your life feels so restless? Do you ever feel like there is too much weight on your shoulders at times? Are you always in search of that special something to fill in that void in your soul? Do you have the need to search for that eternal peace? Most people do and the reason may very well be in your definition of what satisfies you in life. Most people always are in pursuit of this inevitable peace and are chasing it like their shadow. The thing is that the more you chase after IT, the more IT will evade you. When you let IT come to you, you will then attain this feeling of serenity and peace.

1. BE GRATEFUL

One simple way to start your life with attaining this peace is to be grateful of who and what you have in life. Most people follow "The More, The Better" motto which inevitably prepares them for ruin. Men want more women because they feel that will make them happy therefore attain peace. Women want that perfect "Ryan Gosling" man because they feel that will make them happy and attain peace. People who follow jobs for the sake of money will never be pleased and grateful of what they have and will have an undying hunger for more material wealth. Socially-attached people will want more and more friends and social life because they feel that will satisfy them. I am not saying that these things are bad, its just when you apply "The More, The Better" motto to these forms of satisfaction, you will never be grateful for what/who you have and you will always think "Can I do better? Can I have more? Is what I have enough?" and it can have you chasing after your own shadow yet you will never be able to catch it. However, if you attain a certain level of gratitude to what has been given to you, everything will slowly fall into place and that very shadow will stay with you.

2. ENJOY YOUR ALONE TIME

When you have time to yourself, this is the perfect opportunity to work on your inner peace. Peace is attained when there are no external forces at hand throwing you off and so what better time to do this than when you have time to yourself. Focus on things that are important to you such as your life goals, calming any anxiety or stress and working on being happy with who you are as person so you present yourself as an amicable and genuinely joyful person. Your should have at least 3-5 short term goals (several days to weeks), 2-3 mid-term goals (several weeks to months) and at least 1 long term goal (annual). Meditation and listening to relaxing music can help to calm nerves as well as exercise or reading a book. The above in unison are strong contributors to promote a more happier and peaceful person.

3. BE REALISTIC!

Most people fall into two categories: pessimists and optimists. There is a third category that few people fall into and that is the realists. The way I see it, pessimists see the glass half empty, optimists see the glass half full and the realists see they need water and so they fill the glass up. Realists recognize there is a problem at hand, look at the things that can help them solve the problem and then they go ahead to solve it! They are the more balanced folk that do not sugar coat problems but they are willing to make things work for the better. With this frame of mind, they are in tune with who they are in regards to strengths and weaknesses and address the issue through a systematic method by not putting themselves up to failure. They can recognize failure and will try to prevent it if possible. Since they think this way, they are always at a state of peace and focus. They are confident in their knowledge of what they are able and not able to do.

The above are three general suggestions of attaining peace. They are not necessarily things that can be attained overnight, but they are part of the journey of reaching that state of mind. They take time and you may fall a few times, but the most important thing to remember is to keep consistent and know where you see yourself with this journey of life. Everyone's way of attaining peace is different and so you need to find your own way. And if you find yourself lost and weak, just remember, why did you want to attain peace in the first place?

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The Power of Patience

Patience is a virtue. You hear that expression quite often. Patience is the ability to persevere through difficult times. Without patience, we will not be able to accept difficult circumstances as a measure of growth, but rather a measure of pain. Most people go through difficult times wondering what they have done to deserve such harsh times. Rather, an ideal perspective would be to look at those circumstances as a way for the universe, God, destiny, the cosmos or whatever you may believe in as a measure of personal growth. What doesn't kill you, really does make you stronger. Life is meant to be lived as waves in the ocean. Sometimes the waves bring us up to a joyful time in our lives, but sometimes the waves bring us down to times where our grit and perseverance are measured. The more difficult times we experience by maintaining a positive outlook on life, the wiser we become. And the only professor that can teach us wisdom is life.

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Lost Connection

Many people find it difficult to connect with other people due to the fact that we have lost our touch with humanity. Most people connect better with the screens in front of them rather than the people around them. Unfortunately, we live in a world where our phones are the first things on our mind. That text that you receive is more important to answer than your friend in front of you opening up about a breakup. Our physical bodies are in the realm of this world, but our minds exist in the virtual. We no longer live in reality, but in virtuality. We think these things bring about happiness, but yet the rate of depression and mental illness is increasing exponentially. Why do famous actors and athletes face depression and mental illness, whereas the poor live a "richer" quality of life? Does less equate to more? Or is it more of a question that less materials equate to more time dedicated to people rather than materials which lead to happiness? Does your phone make you smile and laugh or is it your best friend that cracked up the joke of the millenia? Within the next few paragraphs, I will try to explore and perhaps answer the previous questions.

1. Physical connection versus virtual connection

Now I will get a bit brain geeky on this aspect, but I will try to explain in the simplest terms. When you connect with a human being, you are much more strongly inclined to be with the person physically rather than virtually. The reason behind this is the neurotransmitters (chemicals in the brain) that are responsible for giving pleasure, satisfaction and desire are enhanced in a physical setting rather than a virtual setting. I'm not saying that you won't feel happy when your better half texts you, but you will feel even happier when you meet him or her in person. The reason behind this is because of our senses. When you get a text from your loved one, you don't "see" the person in front of you, but rather visualize him or her. But when you physically "see" your loved one, there is a stronger desire and attraction component to it since the eyes are sending information to the brain to tell it that your loved one is right there in front of you. You can't see your loved one through a text...

Another sense that we use is smell to dissociate our loved ones from other people. Pheromones (a distinct smell unique to each person without any enhancement from cologne or perfumes) are detected by the person that you are with. For humans, it is at a lesser degree since our ability of smell is weak compared to other animal species, but we can sometimes tell a certain smell of a loved one if we have been exposed to them for many times. Again the sense of smell of a person can elicit the neurotransmitters mentioned above. You can't smell your loved one through a text...

A third one is the sense of hearing. It is an enhancement to the sense of sight, which is why you feel happier to see your loved one and talk in front of you rather than just talk on the phone, or even to a lesser extent, text. You can't hear your loved one through a text...

The last sense which is a high contributor for the release of neurotransmitters for pleasure, especially in romantic relationships, is the sense of touch. Touch is a powerful sense which can elicit the neurotransmitters to an even higher extent. Hence why when you hug your loved one, you feel a sudden rush of calm and happiness even during the most stressful times. You can't touch your loved one through a text...

When all these senses are put together, they produce a very strong desire and attraction towards that person. All these senses are absent in a virtual setting hence why you feel more happy and strongly attracted to your loved one when they are in front of you rather than on a screen.

2. Happiness through more human rather than material connection

Society has fooled us to believe that the more things we buy, consume and own will grant us happiness. However, this is a trap since the most depressed people are the ones with the highest monetary value. How is this possible would you say? Well think about it. Let's say you have a small group of friends that you hang out with. One day, you buy a large Olympic-sized swimming pool (yes, let's say you got the land and money for it) and you told your small group of friends about it. They come over and bring other friends that you have never met before. And you and everyone else have a great time. Over time, more and more people are invited and you end up having a large group of friend. Now if we re-wind a minute and take a second to analyze what just happened. Your small group became a large group of friends, but how? Are they (the addition after the small group of friends) there because you developed a certain connection with them on a personal level or is it your large Olympic-sized pool that brought them to you? Are they genuinely friends with you or friends with your pool? Hold that thought for a second as I continue the story.

After a year, of buying your large Olympic-sized pool, things at work start to get a bit rough. You are not hitting your deadlines and are at the brink of losing your job. You begin to stress since you haven't finished paying the mortgage of your mansion (let's say you got that rich). Furthermore, your pool was financed and you still got another year to pay it all off. Life starts to get rough. So you decide to call back-up to help you with your troubles. You decide to contact the large group of friends that you supposedly have. Apparently, everyone gets busy once they heard you were about to lose the mansion and the pool. Your large group of friends becomes small once again. Does this sound like a familiar situation? So you see who your genuine friends are once again.

Now let's look at rich and famous people and how they get stuck with mental illness and depression despite success and fans all over the world. Most of them start off with nothing. No money and no friends. But once they get money (and a ton of it), they get "friends" (a ton of them). But when things get rough in life, as it always does since roughness is a part of life, their "friends" aren't necessarily there for them since they are "friends" with their "money" and not them.

Now poor people tend to remain happy because of their long-lasting human connections which remain with them through good times and bad. They enjoy life because they enjoy and appreciate people rather than material. Money and fame can come and go, but the people close to you will remain loyal to you. Since they spend less time on materials due to the lack of them, they invest more time in the people that play an important role in their life. Think about it. How many things do you own and how much time do you spend using them? A computer, a cellphone, a TV, a car, etc. I am not saying that they are not important since these items are a staple in an urban setting, but most people go beyond the basic material needs in an urban setting. Hence you spend more time on them. 24 hours a day does not increase with more materials, so you have less time to spend elsewhere, hence less time invested in people. Therefore, the logical reasoning is that if you keep your needs for materials to a minimum and not be extravagant, you will have more time left over to spend quality time with the important people in your life. Which comes back to why people with less, live happier lives. They have more time to spend with people they care about.

3. Do you relate to people or things?

All in all, no matter how many materials you may have, people are the only "things" that will respond to your emotions. Materials have no soul, no life, no meaning hence they cannot respond to your emotions. People have emotions so they will equally respond to another person's emotions. An Olympic-sized swimming pool cannot talk you or comfort you during your crises. Another person whom you confide in can. Hence why it is important to make these connections because life will get rough at one point or another. It makes it easier if you have someone to comfort you during those times since your pool won't.

So in closing, choose wisely which people you prioritize and which you should not. Look into the intention of the people that interact with you. Some people may always want to be with you, but probably for the wrong reasons and others may give you space, but are worth keeping in your life. Some people are genuine and others have their own agenda on mind. And remember, connecting with people physically always produces a stronger connection rather than virtual. I am not saying virtual connections are all bad, but if you wish to connect with someone at a much deeper level, it most probably will be done in person rather than a screen. Happy connecting!

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How Accepting Failure Leads to Success

Failure. A state of mind that most of us have difficulty accepting and even more difficulty in finding a solution. Everyone faces some amount of failure at some point in their lives. The way how we see our failures and how we approach to resolve them is where people either attain success in their personal lives or wallow in their sorrows due to their failures. Here are a few things I have experimented on myself that may be beneficial to some of you.

1. "I Suck, my life sucks, everything sucks..."

Description:
This is a phrase that almost everyone is familiar with by the time their reach their 20s. There will be a point in time when you might have said this to yourself. It is okay to feel regret at the beginning stages of failure, but you must push yourself out of that thought at some point.

Possible Solutions:
When I find myself saying anything remotely close to the negative phrase stated above, I simply distract myself from the environment that is causing those thoughts. For example, I ended up with a C- in one of my classes. At first, I felt regret, but I distracted myself from school for a period of 3-4 hours. A tactic that works for me is comedy. I love to laugh since it distracts me from my problems at hand and I obtain a "live in the moment" feeling.

Once I have obtained a relaxed and calm state of mind, I re-address the issue with a more positive frame of mind. This way instead of beating myself up, I become more constructive with the way I work on bettering myself in that class or future classes.

I suggest you find something that is able to excite positive emotions and use it during those times of distress.

2. "Why do bad things happen to me?"

Description:
This is a question that can easily spiral anyone to the darkest and most demonic dungeons of their soul. This is a question that can easily tear the most spiritual person apart. If you find yourself asking this question then that is a red flag to take action which I will describe.

Possible Solutions:
So I am a firm believer in karma and the yin yang principle. Also I am a man of religious faith which helps in cases like these. But the way of attack is to tell yourself that things will work out eventually. There is a reason as to why things happen and "bad things" may be "bad" now, but further down the road they will prove to be a very important part to shape your character and your spiritual toughness and rigour.


A personal example that comes to mind is my body's ability to constantly be either sick or injured. At the time being it always follows a period of sadness and turmoil, but when I do find myself beating my soul for my health, I tell myself the following : "Things are tough now, but they will work out. They always do. There is someone out there with a much worse condition than yourself in the world. Be grateful, Moeen. Give thanks for you have."

With this frame of mind, I then attack my health issue, whatever it may be. If it involves physical rehab, then so be it, then that will be my motivation. "You will get better, Moeen. Just take it one day at a time. Just be patient." So I suggest to give yourself a pep talk that you have written down and that you read to yourself every time you find yourself in such a situation. It does wonders how a different mindset looks at the worst problems that you may face.

3. "Will it ever get better? Will I ever get better?"

Description:
YES!! Your situation will get better! One of my teachers mentioned that life is like an ocean. There are times when the waves are high and there are times when the waves are low. The most important thing is to ride the waves and not let yourself drown. There are ups and downs in life. That is perfectly normal since the downs are to allow your spirit to be tested and broken down. After which you will recover with your waves of ups in life. Your waves of ups are your periods of life where you should take the most advantage of "living in the moment" as I mentioned earlier. These will serve well when you have your periods of low since you can remind yourself that a high wave always follows a low wave no matter what.

Possible Solutions:
The best way to look at scenarios where failure is at its pinnacle in life is to remember how you recovered from your past failures in life. How bad was your situation when you had it rough with money? How many tears did you cry when you first had your heart broken? How many times did you beat yourself up over that terrible grade you got in school?

Now think of where you are NOW in life. If you were an undergraduate student and lived paycheck by paycheck, but NOW you are living your dream career with some money in the bank, how does that make you feel? The first time you got turned down when you asked a girl out, but NOW you are looking at which engagement ring to buy for your fiancee, how does that make you feel? The first time you flunked a class, but NOW you are in a prestigious graduate school, how does that make you feel?

If you noticed, I wrote NOW because you must enjoy the moment that you are living in. Try to find the little positives and joys in life that make your life pleasant instead of nitpicking on the ifs, buts and could haves. Regrets serve no purpose except misery and that negative energy will display onto others as well. Yes, you have problems NOW, but you also have joys NOW as well. Everyone does. Focus on the positive and use it to fix the negatives in your life.

A negative mindset will only bring about negative results. A positive mindset will only bring about positive results. It all depends on how you look at your situation.

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